Gkick Response Template

We know that a lot of effort goes into being shown the door. So as a service to new former-guildies, we present: a /gkick response template --to help you maximize your parting shot.

Before proceeding, have you already pleaded with the guild officer(s) that you are not responsible for your misbehavior in-guild because your little brother was playing on your account at the time you ran afoul of every guild policy? If not, please e-mail officers@aie-guild.org with an iron-clad guarantee that this was the only time little bro ever borrowed your computer, and that you've changed the password so that it will never happen again.

If you have already blamed your little brother (sister, idiot best friend, child who-knows-better-and-has-never-done-this-before) for a previous infraction and find yourself on the outside of the guild, please enjoy your memorable departure:

Part 1

Inform the guild at large that you have been unfairly kicked because the "uncool" part of the guild has always had it out for you. You are shocked that this happened at this time. Even though you had issues in the past, you are now a model citizen, and are now actually the most valuable guildie AIE had. If they could only see into your heart, they wouldn't have done this. Don't forget to point out that all the 'cool' people in the guild already know you well enough to know that you shouldn't have been kicked (and they know who they are).

BONUS

Mention only your final minuscule infraction, suggesting that it resulted in the abusive /gkick, and refuse to acknowledge your prior mountain of incidents. This will give your poison pill some "truthiness"; anyone only reading this post will think: "this former-guildie should not have been kicked just for that!"

Part 2

Explain how you are taking the high road and leaving with class by hinting that there are many guild issues and secrets that you alone know of, and have had to suffer through. You will "rise above all this" by just posting one, nasty little item. Allude to a constant stream of misbehavior on the parts of others who are clearly never reprimanded.

BONUS

Invalidate your whole "high road" approach by pre-accusing the forum moderators of locking/deleting your thread--even with scads of evidence to the contrary from previous ex-guildies (some of whom STILL post in the AIE forums). Try to use the words 'censorship', 'favoritism' and 'celebrity' if possible.

Part 3

Mention that you were an officer in a successful guild elsewhere, and you would have never treated anyone the way you have been treated. Show what a positive influence you could have (eventually) been to the guild by offering some advice to fellow guildies so they can see how you are wise and have perspective and had SO much still to give.

BONUS

If you have never applied this advice to yourself.

Part 4

If the previous 3 parts don't satisfy your discomfort, garner pity and justify your behavior by including several paragraphs on how recent events in your real-life were to blame for your in-game misdeeds that led to your /gkick.

BONUS

If the real-life events can be cast in a way to make you a self-sacrificing hero/martyr.

Part 5 (Optional)

If anyone in your audience appears to be buying any of this, offer further promises of potential fun groups in-game that your friends in AIE are welcome to join. Remind all that you don't have /g chat anymore, and would like to be added to the friends lists of your true friends. Create a custom chat channel and name it after yourself. For serious credit, create a new guild and name it after yourself.

BONUS

Claim that you're finding the game to be even more fun outside of AIE. The more wildly contradictory this is with the fact that you didn't want to be removed from AIE in the first place, the better you'll feel.

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Authored by Ralff,Maui